I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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