worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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