It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
