I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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