perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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