A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
