woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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