Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
