you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
