OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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