you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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