I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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