I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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