beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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