There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
