69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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