When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
