Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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