**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
