There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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