Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
