i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
