Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Non-Jews are for practice
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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