just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
