I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
