I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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