can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
