theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
