I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize