u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
