I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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