im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize