Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
