Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize