Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
