don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
