saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
