i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
