Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
