I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
