I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
