im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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