I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
