Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
