i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
