She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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