somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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