Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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