do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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