My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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