Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize