There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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