I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
