Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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