i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
