I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
