I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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