Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
