I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
