Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
