FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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