i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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