i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
