i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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