So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have aggressive nipples.
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Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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