I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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