I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
