i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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