I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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