I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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