the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
