She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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