bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
