Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
