I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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