everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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