There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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