When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
