the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
