this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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