I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
